Alright, it took me a little longer than I expected (at first, once I figured out what I was going for and how I was going to format it, it was actually rather easy) but it's done. My first stab at something that may or may not vaguely resemble a play.
Now it's not finished yet, with this only being the first two scenes of act one, but I thought I would it would be better to release this in short doses so I can get gradual feedback on whether it's any good (I have the next few scenes mapped out at the moment, but not really any more than that - so recommendations are welcome).
So here it is - (Haven't really thought of a name yet).
Gabriel
Malcolm
ACT 1
Scene 1
Winter.
The murmur of distant voice comes from a country bar.
A stray dog sniffs around in the dark outside.
A door slams. A figure stomps out into the snow.
Another follows.
MALCOLM
Oh come on Gabe! Don’t be like this!
GABRIEL
(Sarcastically) Like what?”
MALCOLM
“Like this (grasping for words)... I mean... I just got here and you’re going to leave. I think you owe me a bit more than that...”
GABRIEL
(Turns around and looks Malcolm in the eye) Owe you Mal? (spitefully) What on earth could I possibly owe you!?
MALCOLM
(Holding arms upon in front of him, exasperatingly) I don’t know Gabe? It’s been like what? Three years? Three years without a fucking word. (Angry now) How much you reckon that’s worth?
GABRIEL
(turning to leave) Not as much as you would think. Try coming back in another three.
MALCOLM
(Stomps after Gabriel. Grabs him by the shoulder. Swings him around) Fucking hell Gabe. I’m your brother and it’s taken me weeks to bloody find you. You are not walking away.
GABRIEL
(Gabriel stares at him for a long time, then looks away. Defeated.) Or what? You’ll hit me? Real original Mal.
MALCOLM
(sighs) That’s not fair. And no. (He lets Gabriel go) I was hoping that you could put aside the fact that you’re a cranky bastard for a second... I do remember that about you by the way, so you don’t have to put on a show to remind me... and come back inside and have a beer with me, because I’m your brother and I’ve come all this way and you have in fact missed me. (begins to grin) Plus if you say no, I’ll just follow you around and be generally annoying until you change your mind - and you know how good I am at that.
GABRIEL
(Shrugs, slowly starts to grin as well.) Well when you put it like that I guess I don’t really have a choice.
MALCOLM
“No. You don’t. (Gabriel looks at him. He smiles) And I’ve missed you too, in case you were wondering or anything, though you do seem to be even crankier than when you left...”
GABRIEL
Thanks.
Malcolm puts his arm around Gabriel’s shoulder, Gabriel hesitates then smiles, embarrassed. Together they walk back inside.
The dog looks at them go. Whines.
Curtain
Scene 2
The bar. A little while later.
Malcolm and Gabriel sit across from one another in a booth near the back, a number of empty glasses sit on the table between them.
The same murmur of talk fills the room, except louder and closer.
GABRIEL
(More relaxed now. Cheeks slightly flushed from the beer) What d’you mean he’s in prison? (excitedly)How the hell did that happen?
MALCOLM
(grinning) Thought you’d like that. (takes a gulp of beer) He got drunk and picked a fight with someone...
GABRIEL
Ha, that’s it? Way I remember it the fucker used to get pretty pissed off if the end of week came and he hadn’t managed to pick a fight with someone.
MALCOLM
(feigning annoyance.) Hold on, I haven’t finished yet. But yeah, it got worse after you left, if you can imagine it. (Gabriel shudders.) All the usual places stopped letting him in, so he had to go looking for trouble (Malcolm spreads his hands.) So... Somehow he got into some dinky bar in the city, probably got lost or something; ended up beating the shit out of some kid.
GABRIEL
So he got arrested for that?
MALCOLM
Eventually. Turned out though that the kid had some friends with him and they didn’t take to kindly to dad’s methods of ‘socialising’. He tried to do them over too, but one of them pulled a knife on him and stuck him a couple of times.
GABRIEL
Shit...
MALCOLM
Yeah. Pretty much. (Pause) He ended up in hospital for a couple of weeks. Lapsed into a coma on the way in and by the time he came out of it the cops had had plenty of time to figure out who he was. As far as I know there were a couple of them there to greet him the moment he woke up.
GABRIEL
Shit.
MALCOLM
That was about a year ago now. Trial started pretty much as soon as dad had recovered. Think the government had been after some of the people that dad used to work for for a long time. So they fast-tracked the whole thing. Think they were hoping that he could help pin some stuff on them...
GABRIEL
Except he didn’t?
MALCOLM
No... Out of some misplaced loyalty or something dad kept his mouth shut. I think he thought he knew enough people that he would be protected, but they looks like they thought exactly what the cops did, cause they sold him out just like that (Malcolm snaps his fingers). Apparently I lot of evidence just started to turn up on him. Stuff bad enough for them to give him fifteen years in Byron.
GABRIEL
Jesus Christ... How... How are we feeling about this? (Concerned) How’s mum?
MALCOLM
Mum’s okay. The trial was hard, dad kept asking for her. I managed to convince her to stay away. He never hit her, what with his fucked up sense of honour and everything, but you know as well as I do that it was still an abusive relationship. She’ll be better off. (Malcolm pauses) But yeah, I don’t know Gabe. Dad was a fucker, you’re right on that. The stuff he did... to me... to you. It’s unforgivable. But... Fuck. He’s our father. Though I don’t know what that means anymore. Or if it means anything.
Malcolm finishes his beer. Gabriel looks away. Both are quiet for some time.
GABRIEL
(Looking suddenly at Malcolm) You want me to come home with you, don’t you?
MALCOLM
Yeah... Yeah I do.
GABRIEL
(Looking away again). Huh.
MALCOLM
We all miss you Gabe. Mum. Me. (Grinning) And seemingly that girl you used to hang out with... what was... Julia? She’s the one who told me where to find you. Says you’ve been sending her letters this whole time. (Gabriel blushes) I take it that my letters got lost in the mail eh?
GABRIEL
(Sheepishly) Something like that.
MALCOLM
Ha! (Then seriously) But Yeah. Whatever our issues are with dad. He’s going to be away for a long time. He can’t hurt you if you come back.
GABRIEL
I’ll think about it.
MALCOLM
Good. (Nodding) Not that we would have to go back immediately mind you. Tickets to Europe aren’t exactly cheap , least you could do is show me around a little bit while I’m here.
GABRIEL
(Chuckling) All right, but in the morning. For the moment let’s just find you a place to stay.
MALCOLM
Deal.
Malcolm and Gabriel leave the bar and make their way out into the night.
Curtain
Alright, hope that was half decent and the dialogue was alighted and the characters consistent (or understandable in their inconsistencies) - let me know what you think*. Was reasonably happy with the way it turned out - I'm not entirely happy with the 'criminal father idea' (though I'm not entirely sure why).
Going to be rather bogged down in assignments over the next couple of weeks, but I will try to get something up, though it will probably something SF again, just to make things easy. We'll see.
*might be a good idea to read some other plays as well first/at the same time (this being aimed at Sam mostly, as I'm not sure if you have since high school - and that was mostly Shakespeare (I’m not looking to write anything in any way reminiscent of Shakespeare).
Try (if you can be bothered) - http://www.samuel-beckett.net/Waiting_for_Godot_Part1.html (Read this in second year - rather liked it - copied the basic formatting for this - though it is a very different type of play...).
M
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